Yesterday was my first time to cry since dropping my husband off on Monday at the farm and driving away. Hearing those words from God…it’s time to leave Him there. No was racing through my mind as I was shaking my head with tears flowing. I walked into church knowing I was going to have …
The way my weekend went leading into Thanksgiving break…I just knew Thanksgiving Day was going to be awful.
Thursday and Friday were spent crying and missing my eldest son.
The holidays just do that to me as I take that walk down memory lane trying to cling to the good times.
Saturday started out good. I met up with my sisters in Christ for a Friendsgiving.
Just as we were getting ready to pray and leave I received a message from my husband.
I read the text and as I read it I felt my heart go up into my throat…I knew in that moment he had been drinking.
I was angry!
He apparently had a BAD morning.
It went from bad to ugly real fast as the enemy began targeting my mind to get my emotions.
For a moment…I mean for a moment it worked until I took it to my Father.
When I got home my husband wasn’t there and he had left his phone.
All I could think about was…Lord, why would you show me to host a community Thanksgiving if you knew this was going to happen…who’s supposed to cook the turkey and dressing now?
Well our Father is Alpha and Omega…He knows the path that brings us to Him.
We are each on our own journey to Him.
Sunday morning rolled around. It was our church Thanksgiving Dinner. As I have mentioned my husband has been attending with me. This was a man who would not step foot into a church.
That morning it was just me because my kids were at their dad’s.
I loaded up one of the two pecan pies my husband baked for that day and headed off to church.
I was going to save one for Thursday because I wasn’t sure if I was going to have enough food for the community dinner.
As I was driving, the Lord told me to go back and get the second pie and my husband’s Bible.
I thought to myself…my husband would never know if I brought one or two pies.
It would be an absolute miracle if he showed up to church on his own after yesterday…especially since he doesn’t have a vehicle or a phone to call for a ride.
Just before service started, he walked in…shakes, shame, guilt and all.
My heart broke.
At that moment I was so glad I went back to get the second pie.
He spent a lot of time baking those pies from scratch just for that day…for the people that God has used to soften his heart.
The Lord has really been teaching me to look through a different set of eyes…eyes that look deeper into a person’s soul.
We can be so critical of an addict and their splinter while unaware of the log in our own eye.
Well….Thanksgiving Day came and I can honestly say it was probably the best Thanksgiving Day I’ve had…despite what the devil wanted me to believe.
Not only did my husband come with a smoked turkey, but my eldest son came too.
And for that day there was a peace and a joy that comes only from the Lord.
Friends, despite what circumstances may look like…keep walking forward in faith.
God has the final say.
Sarah Elizabeth Morgan🖤
PS…we had more than enough food. We could have fed 5000.
I refuse to give up on my husband…it’s as simple as that.
Everyone he has ever known has done that very thing.
I believe God put us together for this very reason.
Back in February the Lord told me I was going to have to love Him gently and humbly…and that’s what I intend to do.
Some days I succeed…others I don’t.
I get frustrated and upset.
Some days I just want to throw the towel in…that’s when God gives me reminders (like today). He reminds me what…more importantly who I’m fighting for.
I’m documenting this day not because it was cold as all get out as we were watching Landry work his goat but because today my husband laughed again…not just a chuckle (haha) in His usual manly voice but it was like that of a child where you try not to but you can’t stop.
He enjoyed cooking and baking today…something he hadn’t really spent a lot of time doing lately. He made the kids his homemade pizza, us a sausage potato with all the works, and a lemon crumble pie.
I had to do my best not to grumble when I cleaned up the mess left behind in kitchen…I believe that’s loving gently and humbly.
An unconditional love.
As I think back in my lifetime, I can’t count how many times I’ve had uncontrollable laughter…my husband however probably can.
Despite the expected afflictions we all endure throughout life, I’ve had a pretty simple and blessed life full of wonderful memories.
My husband however has lived a lifetime of abandonment, rejection, and loss.
I’m learning that he’s not the only one…but there are many that live or have lived a life of solitary enslaved to addiction to endure the pain that runs so deep.
It’s definitely been a journey but he’s finding his way back to that 8 year boy that spent his first summer alone on the farm.
The first summer he had to depend on the Lord.
He’s getting that joy back…that joy that can come only from having peace with the Lord.
I believe I’m finding that as well as I write this blog tonight…it feels good to share the good, bad, and ugly again as I find my place in this life.
Who is God calling you to love gently and humbly? Your unconditional love could make all the difference in the world.
Sarah Elizabeth Morgan 🖤