Wednesday night I went to bed with tears…hanging on to what little hope that I have tucked down deep these past few months.
I’ve been almost scared to hope/dream/do anything because of fear of the what if.
What if it doesn’t happen? I hate the what if of insecurity and doubt that tends to creep in.
My husband didn’t have any words to bring me comfort because he has had the same exhausted, hopeless feeling as me.
Thursday night my husband went to bed with tears and all I could do was hold him, pray for peace and restoration, as he continues to mourn the loss of his two daughters.
I listened as he just kept repeating…it’s been 22 years since I’ve heard their voices.
I’m almost positive this is his first year to not drink to ease the pain…not because he doesn’t want to but because I’ve been battle weary warring against the enemy.
AND we are blessed! I know the Holy Spirit has many warriors near and far interceding for us.
He has not drank in months and the Lord has placed Godly men in his life that have been intentional and walking beside us.
There is a war raging on within in both of us…a war for the future plans the Lord has for us.
I’m asking. I’m seeking…I’m believing God doesn’t expect us just to exist but to live with purpose.
What does living even look like?
Tonight it’s Saturday.
Today we spent most of our day at the farm picking onions. I found myself dreaming once again…believing that all we have experienced is about to be turned around for our good.
My husband reminded me that having Christmas Spirit is not about what we do during this season but what we believe…do we have hope in the promises God has shown us to be fulfilled?
Just like the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I guess you could say I hadn’t had much Christmas Spirit until today.
I feel like there are many that can relate to me and my husband.
You went into this season so ready and full of hope…but now you’re tired and desperately praying for a miracle.
This is the season of miracles…I believe the Lord just wants us to believe again.
Will you believe with me?
Sarah Elizabeth Morgan 🖤