To my Beloved,
Crying may last for a night…but joy comes in the morning.
That’s what Psalm 30 tells us.
To say yesterday brought me to tears would be an understatement…it brought me face first on the ground crying to worship music.
That’s all I manage to cry these days because I so desperately want to understand.
I know God has a plan. I know God is working for us. I know He hears our cries in this dark valley…but still—why?
Why does my heart have to ache so much…it’s been torn into a million little pieces and that is all I seem to have to offer Him for what seems like decades.
I just keep bringing Him…brokenness.
He knows how much I miss you. How much I want the promises He made us…the visions He gave me and the dreams He gave you.
When I was on the ground weeping, I told Him I needed a word from Him. I needed confirmation that I am not crazy…that I’m supposed to fight for you…to fight for our dreams…to fight for us.
THAT I HEAR HIM.
That I’m not to give up but have Faith…being sure of the things we hope for. Knowing that what God has shown us is real even if we do not see it yet.
After I laid there a bit, I got up and went to the end of my bed where your hat hangs on the bedpost and I prayed…I feel like even my mustard seed is getting smaller.
But still I put my hands on your hat and I prayed. I prayed for the renewing of our minds, our brokenness to be mended, our wounds to be healed, deliverance from our demons and past…but mostly rain.
I prayed for that rain we so desperately need for our future. The rain that washes away all things old…we need new.
Then I did some Bible reading and just listened in the quiet before going to bed.
At 2:26 a.m. I received a text message from a friend and it read:
No one can set aside or add to a human covenant that has been duly established.
I read that and I knew God answered my prayer when I told Him I needed a word from Him. I opened my Bible and read the chapter.
God freely gave his blessings to Abraham through the promise He made.
Maybe I am silly for thinking God still speaks today…still gives visions and dreams…promises…that He actually had a specific plan for us when He didn’t just create us, but God formed us in other mother’s womb for His bigger plan.
Blessings come through faith…and you are my greatest blessing.
So back to—Why?
God is still trying to teach me grace…that it has nothing to do with what I have to offer Him, but everything He has to offer me—us.
He’s our Abba Father.
He’s still stripping me of my religious ways as I continue to lay humbly before Him…longing for that deeper relationship with Him that flows into our marriage and life.
He gives grace to the humble.
So this morning I write you with joy—hope knowing He gives me/us grace upon grace.
I love you with all my heart,
Sarah Elizabeth Morgan
PS. I will never give up on God’s bigger plan for us.