I can’t remember too much about the months leading up to that day, but I do remember the specific day. I can remember sitting in my car and crying…
God why would you let us get this low, so low that we would need to go on food stamps? Is this what you really want for us?
I wiped the tears away, sucked up what little was left of my pride and decided, ‘okay, then You’re going to lead us through this. I’m scared, but I’m trusting in You.’
I decided that I was going to be brave, not because I really was, but because my family needed me to be. There in that car, I was certain this was the last devastating step for us, but instead, it was just the first step down the road to homelessness.
To accurately finish this story, I’ve got to start all the way back at the beginning. My husband (then boyfriend) and I were together and living the married life for about three years. Completely outside of God’s will, we tried to build our own foundation upon our own sandy ground.
We loved God, but we didn’t need to do things His way. So we didn’t. We got a home together and we stretched ourselves to be first in each other’s lives for so long that we wore each other out.
We separated and I was devastated. Then I started praying. I began asking God into my life in a deeper way. I closed the door and I didn’t look back. For the first time in my life I had finally put God first.
Well as it goes, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We reconnected and fell into our old trap again of trying to rebuild our lives on our own. Oh, but this time would be different; we would do everything exactly the same but we would invite God in.
We were so foolish. Then came our son, and shortly after, we were married. Looking back, long before all of this, God set something in motion; something that, unfortunately, we tried to take out of His hands and do ourselves. However, God was going to see His plan through.
Shortly after having our son and getting married, we both lost our jobs due to the market crash. We held on for a bit, going on public assistance and trying desperately to make money. But then the inevitable–we had to give up our home.
For a few months we hopped around, staying with family members. Times were tough for everyone then and we felt we were becoming a burden. It was time to let go.
Then another day I’ll never forget…when our full and deep relationship with God was about to begin. It was time to get in the car and start driving but there was a problem…there was nowhere left to run.
My last ditch effort was to call the shelter. When I did, I heard “sorry, there’s no room for your husband”… BUT GOD!
I refused to accept what I was told. I declared to God “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know you won’t separate this family”.
So we just drove. I didn’t know then that something had been happening behind the scenes. I just know that we pulled up to that shelter and there was room for all of us.
From the moment we stepped into that shelter we could see God everywhere we turned. There was doors opening, love flowing, and grace extending. His favor was everywhere! After leaving the homeless shelter, we spent a few years receiving various services as we regained our footing.
I never had a doubt that God was leading us, I was just scared of every little step, and of not knowing how far down this road God would have us go. However, that fear of the unknown is what God was trying to rid me of. He wanted me to understand that He was in control and opening the doors. There was nothing we had to do but trust.
Through all of this, we’ve realized we had it all wrong from the very beginning. God had to shake and ruin the sandy mounds that we had tried to build our house upon because He needed to be the foundation of our lives.
We had to let God write our story and be brave enough to embrace our journey instead of fighting it.
We went from scared, embarrassed, and confused to trusting, sure, and confident
Before our journey, I was just a girl who knew of God. After, I’m a woman in love with Him.